It has been 7 months since my dog Aiko passed away. It's been hard, mostly because Aiko was all I really had. My friends and family are in Florida, so Aiko was really my only family and companion.
The greatest irony is that if you don't remember something or someone, you do not suffer. But sometimes, you don't want to let go of the memories either. I can't remember where I heard this, but it's said that everyone dies twice. The first is the physical death, the second is when everyone who knew you is also gone. I do not wish to let go and forget aiko, but that is what causes the suffering. But to forget her, to let go of the memories feels like a betrayal.
It is so odd that dropping something is so hard to do. Humans are very funny that way. When I recall my memories with Aiko, I sometimes wondered how Aiko thought of me. I remember seeing a bumper sticker once that said, "Lord, please let me the be person that my dog thinks I am". Did she think I was somehow god-like? Being able to open doors, open cans with food inside them, and put her inside this big moving thing that let her stick her head out to feel the wind blowing on her face? But instead, I often saw Aiko as my teacher.
Buddhists have a special place for animals. Animals live hard lives. They are either used as food, as beasts of burden, or as pets. As food, their lives are cut short, as beasts of burden their lives are hard, and even as pets, their freedom is curtailed. Most importantly though, animals can not understand the teachings of the Buddha. Therefore animals deserve special compassion. Like humans, they feel pain and fear just as we do.
With Aiko though, I saw that even if she could not understand the buddhist teachings, in many ways, she was farther across the stream than I was. If I took a toy away from her, she didn't get mad. If I had to work long hours, she didn't pout or get upset; she was just happy to see me again. The greatest lesson dogs can teach us pathetic humans is how to love unconditionally.
So when I say my goodbyes to Aiko every 23rd of every month, even if she is gone and can not see me remembering her, I keep her in my heart. Sometimes, I wish I believed in heaven and souls so that I could see her again one day. The buddhist in me tells me to let go, and perhaps one day I will. But not today.
